Falling
by Videru
Summary: The feeling of falling is all too familiar to Joker: falling into angst, falling into lust, falling into guilt. It distracts him from his most important duties: serving his mistress and fighting in the war. But he cannot help it, he is always falling. **Rated M for chapter 2** couldn't help myself, I adore this couple!
1. Falling into pain

A/N: This is part of a series about the thoughts Joker and Kamui have about each other. This one is Joker's point of view and it's slightly angsty. I apologize for the short chapter, it's a sort of prologue. Chapter two is ready and will be up very soon.

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This feeling of falling is frighteningly familiar. It has less to do with the axe deeply embedded into his side, cold and biting, than with the sensation he has had lately when looking into her gentle eyes. Crimson like his sticky blood coating the damned blade, crimson and unforgiving and oh so charmingly crushing. Yeah, this mental rambling is the reason he has a pair of shattered ribs and an axe piercing close to his lungs at the moment.

In a brief surge of adrenaline fed by the searing pain, Joker takes advantage of the proximity with the rogue berserker and drives his iron dagger deep into his exposed throat, slicing it open in a swift motion. Warm blood sprays his own pale face but it hardly matters as his cheek has already been blemished by an earlier arrow and is coated with his own blood. Or is it because he can hardly remain on his feet, let alone worry about a little smudge on his usually impeccable face?

"Joker! Hang in there, I'm coming!" He hears a faint voice laced with concern and desperation, and perhaps something else he dares not admit. His mistress' voice is sweet, the only one that can make the sting of cold iron piercing his flesh go far, far away. As he pushes the enemy's bleeding form out of his way, Joker feels his legs faltering, all strength slipping from him through the open gash on his side.

Yeah, this feeling of falling is way too familiar.

"Joker, I've got you!" He can barely discern her words now, especially as she is wrapping her armor-clad arms around his chest, trying to support his towering form with her petite frame.

Gods, don't let him crush her...

"I've got you, you're alright" is the last thing he hears before his senses go numb with her scent of jasmine and myrrh, finally taking the plunge and falling into the endless void that is comforting to the point of madness.

Yes, falling into pain enshrouded in her sweet scent is frighteningly familiar.


	2. Falling into you

A/N: This chapter is smut although it does have a plot. It is not meant to be romantic, I wanted it to be somewhat detached. I hope I accomplished it.

I hope you guys like it.

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Her legs lock around his hips and waist in a deathly grip, forcing him closer if that's even possible. It is pure bliss... This feeling of falling into her wet tightness, hovering over the cliff of madness without quite tipping over it. Kamui moans his name over and over, although he cannot quite hear her over the creaking sound of the bed and the rhythmic slapping of flesh against flesh.

He dreamed countless times of what she would look like under his weight: defenseless and begging him to take her to heaven and back. It's more beautiful than he ever imagined, so arousing he feels he might lose himself any moment now. The way she tries to bite her lower lip to stop herself from screaming is enough to make him drive even more recklessly into her, picking up the pace and making her shut her crimson eyes. It's more perfect than any dream Joker ever had.

Again he can see her lips moving, wording sweet pleas for more, but he doesn't hear her voice. His full attention falls now on the bouncing of her perfect breasts as he slams into her at a frenzied pace. He untangles one of his hands from her thighs and reaches out to gently squeeze her right breast, flicking her rosy nipple with the pad of his thumb until she is throwing her head back in pleasure. Gods above, his mistress is so perfect! He cannot help himself and he leans forward, locking his lips against the tender flesh of her neck. He wants to mark her as his own: he bites a little too hard and sucks on the wound, lapping it in delicious circles that send sparks right to her throbbing core. He wants to mark her so everyone can see she belongs to him.

Kamui's small hand tugs at her lover's ashen hair, leveling their faces so their eyes can meet. Joker slows down his frenzied thrusts until he is barely moving, drinking in and savoring her delicate features. A bead of sweat drips from his sharp nose and only then Joker realizes he doesn't know how long they have been going at that violent rhythm. The dark blush on her cheeks and the hair plastered to her forehead with sweat say probably too long, but he doesn't feel like stopping yet. She caresses his cheek with her fingers, tracing the sharp angles of his features, and he feels the urge to tell her over and over that he adores her more than anything in the world. But the words don't come out; his thin lips part but he only gapes like a fish, unable to mutter even her name. A strange tightness threatens to grab a hold of him but Kamui smiles gently, her eyes full of understanding and something close to devotion. She truly is perfection...

Joker feels he is ready to tip over the cliff of extasy and so he pushes himself up slightly with one arm, pulling completely out of her. Kamui settles her arms over her head, right on the brass headboard of her bed, knowing she will need to hold on to something. Joker hoists one of her legs over his shoulder and quickly rams into her heat again, reaching so deep inside her that she feels he might split her in two. He feels the pressure of her inner walls, constricting his hardened length to the point he could finish right then. But breathing deeply, Joker resumes his savage thrusting with violent abandon. Gods, her core is molten and smothering, he will lose it any moment now but he silently vows to take her down with him.

Kamui's eyes are tightly shut, which is a shame since Joker wants to see each emotion that crosses her crimson orbs. But that doesn't stop him from ramming into her mercilessly, aching to meld into her. An impending jolt of electricity travels down Joker's spine, settling at the base of his back and indicating he will not last much longer. And so he sits up, adjusts her leg over his shoulder, and reaches for her swollen clit. Kamui immediately cries out although the sound doesn't reach her lover's ears. But he needs to hear her! And so he rubs circles around her little nub, intent on making her scream out, adding gentle pinches and tugs that have Kamui holding on to the headboard so hard that she is denting the metal bars.

Seeing the Hoshidan princess' face contorted in pleasure fills Joker with a sense of pride and he cannot hold it any longer, he wants to tip off that cliff, he needs to fall. Pinching her sensitive nub a little harder, Kamui's mouth forms a perfect "o" and her inner walls contract so hard Joker feels she might swallow him alive. And so he yields, feeling his strength leave him in that delicious moment his essence spills deep into her. Joker wants to see her, to admire her gorgeous face contorted by the intensity of her orgasm, but his own eyes refuse to open. He thrusts a few more times, hard and deep, and he feels himself finally falling over the cliff he had been hovering over for so long.

Yes, falling into the dark pleasure that had tortured and eluded him so. Falling into her.

The first thing Joker's mind registers is a faint scent of jasmine and myrrh dancing around him, taunting him. He smiles to himself, manly pride and satisfaction surging in his chest. After so long he finally... They...

His toned arm palms the bedsheets beside him, seeking the warmth he had become addicted to after only one night. But he doesn't find it. Instead he finds a sharp pain making its way into his ribcage, so raw Joker feels he might vomit. Amethyst eyes snap open and as much as he wants to sit up and figure out what the hell is going on, his strength falters and he cannot move.

Joker inspects the room carefully: Kamui's personal quarters. It smells like her, the bedsheets look like she laid there right next to him. But she is not there and he grimly realizes his current state of dress: his breeches are untouched and a bloodied bandage covers his abdomen and chest. And he remembers, he understands: he is falling into his own doom.

Joker's own hand makes its way to his forehead, only then realizing how fevirish he feels. He is falling and he cannot stop it. He is falling for her and falling alone.


	3. Falling into despair

Joker is a rational man: firm, down to earth, and not easily swayed by emotion. He can keep his cool in the face of war, even when his mistress has been beaten within an inch of her life and his healing abilities have been the the anchor to keep her in this world. And because Kamui means the world to him, his effort not to let his feelings get in the way of his duties is painstaking, so careful and perfect that Tsubaki would be green with jealousy.

But right now Joker cannot help himself. He knows he is hallucinating as a result of an infection in his awful wound, but he cannot control his wild thoughts. Reality and illusion are so intertwined that he cannot tell them apart. This whole night has been a nightmare: her sweet voice plaguing him, her careful fingers tangling softly in his ashen hair, her cool lips brushing over and over against his feverish brow. He does not open his eyes out of pure fear: what if she isn't there? What if she really is?

It's more than any man so despairingly in love can take. Especially after such a vivid dream. It's cruel beyond measure.

All he can do is keep his eyes closed and pray for his head to stop spinning, for that decadent voice of hers to stop resounding in his ears. He knows he won't be able to handle opening his eyes and seeing her lovely figure, so inviting and warm, even if only as a feverish illusion. He doesn't want to see such a sweet lie. He cannot handle it.

"Joker"

There she is again: the torturer who would simply hold him over the cliff without saving him or letting him fall. He tosses his head back as if it would relieve the pressure on his temples, roughly reaching for the covers that obstruct his breathing: he is burning up, he must be released from the binds around him.

"My sweet Joker"

In his rush to cool up his aching body, Joker pulls at the bandages that cover his chest causing hot, sharp pain to ripple through him. He cannot help the agonizing groan that escapes his dry lips.

"Easy there, my love" her voice dances around him, so crisp and clear he almost believes it is real. But Joker battles the urge to open his eyes, knowing only emptiness will be there.

After a brief rustle of bedsheets, no sound is heard and Joker thinks his ordeal might be coming to an end. Perhaps the worst of the fever is passing? For a moment Joker feels calm. Although his body still feels like it's on fire, the silence seems to undo the chaos in his mind. Perhaps sleep might take him now?

"Joker..." Cool fingers ghost across the hot flesh of his chest, touching softly since the area is surely tender from the deep wound. His skin prickles at the contact, half in pain and half in pleasure. Will this torture ever end?

"Not again... No more please" Joker manages to choke out, the dryness in his throat making him sound agonizing. "Begone... No more"

As he feels the light touch linger across his chest, the loyal butler feels his control slipping. In a desperate attempt to drive away his cruel and surreal temptress, he pushes hard against those fingers that feel so real. Pushes insistently as he mumbles incoherently, eager to feel the familiar sting of loneliness instead of this torture disguised as tenderness.

"Joker" Her calm voice raises slightly as she fights to push him against the bed, accidentally brushing against the bruised flesh that was still so tender even after the touch of healing spells. Joker groans and gasps, his strength faltering at the gripping pain. "Joker, wake up. Wake up"

With the feel of slenders fingers pushing him into the pillows, tender yet commanding, Joker loses the fight and cracks his eyes open. His sight is blurry, how long has he been agonizing? He blinks a few times to moisten his eyes, his focus returning very slowly. As he makes out his surroundings, the heady scent of fresh lavender and myrrh hits his nose. The light is dim but he can clearly see the glow of crimson eyes. For a moment his mind is blank, how foolish his visage must look! His amethyst eyes blink once, twice, urging the illusion to vanish and let him wallow in self-pity. But it does not.

"Hey, sleepy head..." Kamui's tone is careful, as if she does not want to scare him away.

Joker does not know how long his eyes are fixed on her features: her small nose, her unruly hair that falls gracefully across her shoulders, her full lips that look slightly bruised as if she has been biting them desperately. Now he can see the foolishness of his dreams. Her perfection could never be matched by mere imagination.

Sudden flashes of the words he heard and the touches he felt as he agonized return. Were they real?

"Lay down" Kamui whispers, gently pushing him so he sprawls fully into her pillows. Joker complies out of pure confusion, not really knowing when he had the strength to sit up, his mind racing to piece together what the hell is going on.

The dragon princess proceeds to undo the bloodied bandage on his chest, making him wince at the contact despite her carefulness. As a healer, he knows spells can restore tissue although the process of binding the flesh together is as painful as if the wounds were fresh and open. But the needles of this hot pain are soothing right now: they anchor him to reality. A reality in which she is right beside him.

"I'll try to be gentle" Kamui mutters as she notices his sharp gasping, imagining he is in pain. But in truth, the grazing of her fingers cool his boiling blood. Kamui smiles as she inspects the uncovered area: not a single scratch remains. Sakura really is a gifted healer. After hours of worry, Kamui feels the knot that had been tight in her stomach loosen. When Joker had been brought back to camp, he wasn't even breathing and his skin had become deathly pale and cold. Kamui had known then the true meaning of fear. But right now his breathing is even, his skin almost down to his natural light tone, and even his muscles feel strong against her fingertips. She cannot help but run a finger across his pecs, down his muscled abs, lightly brushing against his hipbone. The Hoshidan princess has never had time to admire his physique and right now she is at a loss, he looks so... "Perfect"

Joker barely registers the word, he is lost in the feeling of her hair tickling his sides. More than anything, he wants to reach out and caress her silver tresses but his mind stops him dead. What on earth is she doing?

Soft lips brush lightly against his chest, barely touching at first, then dancing softly across the tender area where the brigand axe cut him open. Has he suffered brain damage? Or is it normal to feel frozen and unable to stop her? Alarms about the inappropriateness of this contact should be going off in Joker's mind but right now nothing can stop him from relishing the soft caresses of her lips.

"Perfect" she mutters again as she moves up, hovering close to his face, focusing her bleeding eyes on his heated gaze. "Welcome back to life, Joker"

His voice refuses to work so he simply nods, stealing a smile from her lips. How he wants to reach up and just-

"I'll bring you water and something to eat, I'll be right back"

Joker feels empty as soon as her warmth leaves him but doesn't have the strength to reach out for her. So he lets her go, burning into his memory the contented smile she gives him before sliding the doors open.

The butler closes his eyes again, his mind still too foggy to make sense of what has gone on that night. But he doesn't want to think, he just wants to bask in the warmth of her lips that still dances across his chest. Before he can lose himself to daydreaming, he hears hushed voices right outside the room. He looks up expecting to see his mistress and perhaps a healer coming in to check on his wounds, but instead he freezes at the sight of Kamui pressed tightly against the towering body of her loyal knight, Cyrus.

The Nohrian knight's arms lossen their grip on her tiny waist, reaching up for the sides of her face and bringing her close to press a kiss against her forehead. Joker feels his blood boil and the nausea return as she smiles brightly, closing her arms around Cyrus' neck. She murmurs something that makes him smile and nod, but Joker cannot discern what it is. The stabbing pain in his chest returns twofold but Joker welcomes it. Yes, this is most definitely real. He is alive and in this world, taken by his mistress from the claws of death only to be plunged into despair.

As his head hits the pillows, Joker doesn't feel the comforting softness. He feels he is falling again, past the pain and love and right into despair. The pressure on his temples returns with a grudge and he closes his eyes tight, willing himself to feel every pulsation of the sharp pain to keep him grounded to reality. He never again wants to lose himself in the cruelty of dreams of her, never. He prefers to take the step and fall right into despair, knowing it's his punishment for even dreaming to overstep his boundaries.

What he doesn't know is the words that leave Kamui's lips as she walks away with Cyrus: a hopeful vow to make this chance count, to be brave enough to be true to her heart and to her beloved and butler.


End file.
